An Imperfect Insight: Letting go of concerns - a critical activity.

An Imperfect Insight: Letting go of concerns - a critical activity.: As I sat in Mass on Sunday morning at Our Lady of Grace in Parkton, MD, the priest was discussing the concerns that we have in life.  He had...

Letting go of concerns - a critical activity.

As I sat in Mass on Sunday morning at Our Lady of Grace in Parkton, MD, the priest was discussing the concerns that we have in life.  He had attended the blessing of the hounds at St. James School and was discussing how people who were attending seemed to have set aside all cares while at the event.  It struck me that maybe that was the same reason that I always liked Thanksgiving.

Unlike other holidays, where there always seems to be pressure to find the right gift, be at all the holiday parties, stay up to watch the ball drop, or abstain from certain foods.  While there is nothing wrong with any of these things, it does place additional strain on people.  These concerns weigh on them every year.  At thanksgiving, the goal is usually to eat lots of food, enjoy the company of friends, watch some football or play it, and then eat some more.  This places little concern on people outside of cooking and cleaning the dishes - although I have found cooking the turkey and making the stuffing very relaxing.

I can fondly remember coming home from Hamilton College know that while I only had a few days at Thanksgiving break, I also had little else to do.  Hanging out with family and high school friends were both easy to do and very familiar.  It was a very relaxing time, with little concern.  Even today, the kids had no homework, no place they had to be and little to do but relax and enjoy family and friends.  It was a great four day weekend.

While sitting in church, I also remembered how relaxing I always found the time in church.  It was another great time to forget about certain concerns and just relax and listen to the readings, homilies and sing.  Singing in church was always very soothing and something I greatly enjoyed.  I think that was why I attended so frequently in college, it was a great release and escape from all exterior concerns that seemed to take over some times.  It was great to be able to set that aside, focus on something that was both healing and comforting.

I think we all need to find ways to let go of those concerns we carry with us every day.  The weigh on us and make it that much harder to see through the clutter to focus on what is really important.  As I look back on this Thanksgiving holiday, I am thankful for the calm and the chance to let go of those concerns for a while and truly enjoy time with family and friends.  I hope that each of you were able to do the same thing, especially as the stress of the end of the year approaches where we always have to much to do and not enough time to do it.  Try to find time to set those concerns aside, however you are able to do that - may it be church, a walk, some meditation or some other means. This will help you better enjoy the upcoming holidays.  So give thanks and be well.

An Imperfect Insight: Chemicals in our Lives

An Imperfect Insight: Chemicals in our Lives: This past weekend I had the pleasure to watch my girls participate in the Hereford High School production of "These Shining Lives" .  It was...

Chemicals in our Lives

This past weekend I had the pleasure to watch my girls participate in the Hereford High School production of "These Shining Lives".  It was a great play and very well done.  It tells the sad story of women who worked in a factory in the 1920's painting watches with radium that eventually lead to their illness and ultimate death.  The company knew of the danger they put these women in, but did nothing to help them.  Ultimately, their suffering changed the laws for factory workers.  The play told the story of how chemicals used by companies can be awful for those who come in contact with it.

Recently, I got involved with a great company that manufactures products that we use every day that do not use chemicals and do not test on animals.  Melaleuca (www.Melaleuca.com) provides more concentrated products that are comparably priced to normal department or grocery store products.  Instead of spending money on advertising, Melaleuca uses better ingredients and rewards its marketing executives for introducing people to the products and shopping with the company.  It has really made me think about what we put in and on our bodies and what we use in our homes.  Could the chemicals in cleaning products, shampoo's, detergent and lotions and make-up cause similar problems as the women faced in the play.

While I don't read every label, I feel better about what I am getting from Melaleuca than what is in a store.  I really started thinking about it as I was cleaning the house and needed to clean the stove.  Cleaning the stove always includes gloves, masks, fumes and the need to ventilate the kitchen.  With my new found appreciation for not wanting to put myself and family up to those issues, I decided to try and use some Melaleuca product to clean it.

It had probably been a year or so since the stove had been cleaned, it was in need of cleaning. So I got started using a product that was basically for cleaning counter tops, not stoves.  In a little more than 25 minutes the stove was in much better condition.  There were a few spots that I could not get out, but there were no fumes, I did not wear gloves or a mask and there was no reason to ventilate the room.  I was throughly impressed and thankful that I decided to try it and not by the chemically filled products most people use.  It made me feel that much better about my decision to start using Melaleuca products. I highly suggest anyone who has a concern about what is in the products we use to check out their research and information.

The girl's play reminded me of the dangers we face if we are not careful of what we use.  Clearly today's products are not as deadly as Radium, but they can be harmful just the same.  That is why many carry safety warnings, you won't find those on Melaleuca products.  Take the time to look into alternatives.  I would be happy to share more about my Melaleuca experience if you would like, just ask.  Hopefully we can avoid some of the future risks by being more informed.

Back on the Horse

My apologies to those who have read this blog in the past, it has been over 10 months since my last post.  Last September, I just had to much classwork and writing with my MBA classes to find time to add to this blog.  While I have missed the opportunity to put down some thoughts, which is always helpful, I was able to finish my MBA at Saint Leo University and try to figure some things out.

There have been some highs and lows in these past 10 months.  Missed job opportunities, kids activities, fun trips, new experiences and some revelations.  One of the best experiences was the week long trip with Keegan's baseball team to Dreamspark in Cooperstown, NY for a baseball experience.  Much more than just a tournament, it was a week that neither the players nor the families will soon forget. Keegan had a home-run and hit the ball the best he did all season.

It has been a struggle to find a job in my interest of sports or fund-raising that would keep us here.  Just not many opportunities at my level.  So for the time being I have engrossed myself in a sales opportunity with a great company, Transworld Systems Inc, which has help businesses for over 40 years increase their cash flow and recover slow paying accounts.  While the progress has been a little slow, I know that it takes time to grow a business.  I have really enjoyed networking in the local community and working on my presentation and sales skills.  Additionally, I have met some wonderful people who have been very encouraging and willing to help.

In that time I have learned about many businesses that provide a wide variety of products and services.  Some are just really great business models and others are longtime industries like insurance, financial planning and others.  One of the most intriguing is the company Melaleuca, who develops and produces high level products that are kid and environmentally friendly.  Shoppers can buy over 350 items directly from the company at a savings and receive benefits for shopping this way.  They make products that people use every day.  I tried the products and think they are great, they are concentrated and so a little goes a long way, and they cost about the same or a little less than at a store.  People can also get people to shop and make some extra money, which these days everyone can use.  If you would like to learn more let me know.  A very easy way to shop and with a little work you can make some extra money.

In all of this, I have learned a lot more about myself and realized a number of things.  Mostly, that I really like meeting new people and building relationships with them.  I hope to find a way to work with a group of people and help them, help themselves.  Want to join me?

I also read one of the best business books I have come across The Go-Giver by Bob Berg and John David Mann.  I highly recommend this book.  It is an easy read that provides five guidelines that we could all live by wrapped in a story about a salesman trying to make his way.  I read the book twice within a three week timeframe.  If you take the time to read the book, let me know what you think.

I am not sure where all of this will take me, but I know that my family is happy and that is what is most important.  I will do what I can to make sure that does not change.  I look forward to posting more frequently and letting you all know how these opportunities go and I hope that some of you may join in the journey in what ever way makes sense to you.  Thanks for reading.

Whew...where has the time gone

It is hard to believe that it has been six months since my last post.  I think that was when I began taking two MBA classes per term at Saint Leo University and got plenty of writing in those classes.  In some regards a lot has happened since that time and yet as I sit here tonight I am still without a job and nearing a crossroads (that will be the next entry).  Now that I decided to only take one class this term, I thought it would be good to return to my blog.

At that time, I had begun the biggest loser program at Brick Bodies and by the end of the program I had lost 25 pounds.  Since that time I have been fortunate enough to work with two great personal trainers at Brick Bodies Padonia Kate Del Solar and Tim Naff and have dropped another 22 pounds, which puts me under 200 pounds for the first time probably since college.  My waist is down from a 40 to a 35, I am wearing a size large instead of XXL, and actually bought a size 44 suit.  It is hard to believe the difference that I feel.  Now I am trying to build strength instead of being focused on weight loss.

I also turned 44 last week and celebrated my 25th class reunion in early July.  it was great to catch up with some longtime friends and others that I had not seen since graduation.  I took a stroll down memory lane on a tour through the old Scio Central high school.  My other trip to Scio was with the family for the annual family reunion over the July 4th weekend.  Always a fun event and it was good to spend time with my parents, my sisters and their families.

Speaking of our family, my sister Maggie and her husband Matt travelled to China to adopt their new daughter Anne.  After many years of waiting and some minor issues, all arrive back in Albany safe and sound and from all reports they are adjusting well.  My wife Liz spent 18 days in Germany as an official in the U19 Women's lacrosse championships and had a great time and met many new friends.

In June, I travelled to Florida for the annual NACDA convention for athletic administrators.  it was a great chance to connect with my network in that community as well as catch up with some old friends Matt Bassett and Troy Tucker, as well as my former boss Mike Hermann.  I enjoyed the opportunity to stay connected.

It is hard to believe that the summer is over and the kids went back to school yesterday, following a two-day delay from hurricane Irene.  They are excited to be back at Hereford Middle and High school and look forward to the school year.  I hope that they new school has great things in store for them and the rest of the family

My effort to be the "Biggest Loser"

For the last few years I have been a closet, well probably not so closet, fan of the TV Show "The Biggest Loser" and have not missed many episodes.  I guess I like to hear the stories of how people just lost control of their eating habits and then how with hard work and some education about eating habits they lose enormous amounts of weight and also gain significant amounts of self-confidence and drive.  Usually these people are surrounded by families or cultures with long histories of heart illness and diabetes and many are young people.

In their time on "the ranch" they go through amazing transformations and what really impresses me is those people who leave early in the show, but continue to lose weight at home.  Obviously, these people learned a great deal about the importance of diet and working out in weight loss.  No pills, fad diets, just good old hard work and commitment to healthy eating in appropriate portions.

As I watch the show, I can easily see how people can lose control and the energy to stay healthy.  I look at how crazy my life has been over the last four years from commuting for two plus years to the stress of being without a boss and then without a job.  Before the family came down I was working long hours, eating at my desk and not getting much sleep - all things that are bad for your health.  When you add in high blood pressure and cholesterol, that is a recipe for disaster.

With Liz working at Brick Bodies, I thought that with my time off it would be great to try and get in some exercise.  Sadly, I had ballooned to over 240 mostly due to inactivity and eating too much food and the great things my daughter bakes - she loves to make cookies and cakes.  To start I really did not have a game plan and was not really losing much weight but at least getting some aerobic exercise.  Fortunately, the gym offered a special eight week program "Extreme Brickover" modeled after the TV show.  I figured that I would at least learn some things and maybe be more focused on what I was doing.

On the first weigh-in they took a number of assessments, including initial weight, body fat and waist to hip ratio.  On the back of the sheet they had a chart that assessed the measurements.  It is never good when yours comes back as obese.  Now, I new that I was not in great shape and overweight, but did not think it was obese.  I think that was the shock that I needed to make a change.  In reading through the material they provided, the thing that caught my eye was the importance of knowing how many calories you burn and how many you eat.  So I started tracking what I was doing and making more conscious decisions about food and portions and was committed to getting at least 30+ minutes of exercise a day.

Unfortunately, I missed the first weekly weigh-in as I was travelling for a job interview and was excited to see where I stood at the second weigh-in.  I knew that I had to have lost some weight, since I was on the last notch in my belt and I was spending a lot of time pulling up my jeans.  I was very happy to see that I had lost 12 pounds in two weeks, I was hoping to be below 230, but I was still happy and dropped 5% of my body weight.  One thing that was really helpful was the calorie counter on my blackberry, it allowed me to track my calorie intake as well as my workout and calorie burn.  I look forward to the next 6 weeks, although I hope I have a job by then since I will need some new clothes!

#BrickBodies, #

The house that Ronald built.

I know what you are thinking golden arches, Big Mac, billions and billions served, why would I write about that fast food restaurant.  Well this is actually about the other enterprise that the McDonald's name is associated with - the Ronald McDonald House.  Last night, I joined Kelsey and the other members of the Hereford Middle School SAAD club at the Ronald McDonald House in Baltimore to make dinner for the guests.  I thought that this would be a great experience for the other kids and so I brought them along as well.

It was a lot of fun preparing tacos, a weekly meal for the Brush family, for the families staying at the home.  The kids had a great time helping out and hopefully, more importantly, they learned a little about giving back.  I also got a chance to learn more about the organization and the great work they perform.  (If you want to learn more about it, check out their webpage.)  They provide room and board for children and their families while they are seeking medical care at hospitals away from home.

I had the opportunty to chat a little with a mother staying there with her daughter.  She was so appreciative of the meal.  They were from North Carolina and have been at the facility a number of times, usually for a day or two.  This visit they were trying some more agressive treatment and were planning to be there for eight weeks.  I could not believe it, eight weeks away from home.  I could only imagine what that would cost if they had to stay in a hotel, which very few families could afford.  The Baltimore facility is great becuase it has a wonderful group of volunteers that usually provide meals for the families.  She was telling me that trying to keep these special needs kids busy while they fix a meal is a challenge.  Also having others around kids around was great for these families.

Hopefully, my kids learned a little about giving back and also how fortunate they are to be healthy.  Our hope is that as a family we can go a prepare a meal for the families.  Not only would it be a fun family activity, but it would also be an easy way for us to give back.  It also made me feel a little better about the money that I have spent at McDonalds over the years, knowing that some of the proceeds have gone to help others.  We should all remember that as the weather turns frigid in the northeast, that they are plenty of people who are less fortunate and can use our help.

The Interview

A good friend once told me that it is best to be looking for a job when you are in a job that you enjoy.  That same friend said that the hardest time to look is when you are in a job you don't like or without a job.  This seemed to be a pretty easy concept to understand, but one that not a lot of people heed.  Sure it is clear that you don't want to have to put yourself in the position where you have to take the first thing available, even though it might not be what you want.  When there are bills to pay, people to feed and a home to maintain, you take what you can get, not what you really want.

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to have an interview for a very good position that would be fantastic to get.  I had done my research, reviewed the position, the people I was meeting with and the organization.  I have spent the last 20 years meeting new people, talking about my work, and making presentations; it is what I do.  The development industry is about going to meet people and build a relationship with them, that has never been an issue for me.  Sure, I like everyone else, I get that nervous excitement about the outcome but I feel really comfortable talking in front of people.  I have also done numerous interviews and am very comfortable with my work history.

As yesterday morning came around, I was finding my nerves acting up more than ever.  During my final prep work, it started to hit me how different this interview was feeling.  It had been twenty years since I had gone into an interview without having a job and one that I liked.  Twenty years ago I was still in college with over two months until graduation and no real responsibilities.  Yesterday, I knew there were not many jobs out there, every day brought me closer to having no more paychecks coming, having to pay for insurance and many other concerns.  While we will be fine for a few months to come, I felt that pressure to be perfect to make sure that I did my best. It was really strange to feel that way before doing something that is normally so comfortable.  It is amazing how things change as your responsibilities change - not a big surprise.

As it turned out, once I got in there I was completely comfortable and felt that it all went well.  I think that it was actually good to have that extra nervousness.  It helped me understand the importance of networking, of professional growth, of being prepared for whatever may come.  As I have realized, some times things do not go your way and you have to learn how to react.  All you can do is your best.  I am sure that as other interviews come up, I will continue to get nervous knowing that I have to find something.  Hopefully, my experience of yesterday will make me more prepared for what will come.

A look back at the Holidays!

It is hard to believe that Christmas and New Year's have past, it seemed to go so quickly.  As I reflect on it, I think that it may have gone so fast becuase I was able to enjoy the time with my family for really the first time in many years.  I'll come back to that shortly.  There was lots of fun, good food and great company.  There was only one downside to the holiday, oh and it was a bad one, but fortunately short-lived.

I was running around on christmas eve, which is one of my favorite days of the year.  See, I am a people watcher, so I love to be out watching people run around like crazy.  I make sure that I let people go first in line, be nice to cashiers and wave someone through in the parking lot.  It was truly a fun day.  I spent most of the afternoon wraping presents and excited about the peace and calm of a late christmas eve of mass and wrapping those final presents.  I was planning to go to church, come home, wrap a few gifts and write a blog about my fond memories of christmas eve's past.  Unfortunately, after driving the kids crazy, especially Chloe, with my christmas singing and a wonderful dinner my stomache was not in a good place. (No, it was not from the dinner!) I spent the next 12 hours as a very unhappy camper.  It was so bad that two days later my ribs hurt when laughing.  My stomache muscles worked way to hard getting whatever was in my system out.  So I spent the evenng alone in bed.  That blog will have to wait until next year.

Fortunately, by about 10 am christmas day, I was feeling better.  At least well enough to watch the kids open presents.  I love to watch the excitement on their faces as they open gifts.  This year was fun as Liz got a wonderful gift from Santa, much to her surprise.  She must have been a really good girl this year.  Probably putting up with me would qualify her for that title every year!  In all, although a little lite on presents it was a wonderful day with just the five of us - oh and our dog cinnamon too! (The kids would be mad if I left her out.)

The next week was spent with family and friends.  We travelled to Binghamton to spend time with Liz's family and friends, while there was some chaos it was a very enjoyable trip.  We had a great day with Liz's whole family, hosted by her aunt and uncle, and I got to spend time with two very dear friends.  These two have been "in my foxhole" as one of them likes to say for more than 10 years.  It was really great to see them, especially at a time when we are not busy with work and other commitments.  I greatly appreciate them taking the time to get together.  Our trip got extended when we all felt like we needed one more day to crash, we also were able to help Liz's parents move some things around before they head south.  It was great to have another peaceful day.

The last few days were spents doing some little things, letting the kids relax and some great time with my parents after the New Year.  Not much about New Year's Eve since I think we were in bed by 10 pm, although the kids stayed up til just about 1 am.   Liz fell asleep pretty quick and I stayed up reading the second half of the last Harry Potter book - can't wait until June to see the final movie!

Now that the kids are back in school and trying to get in a routine, I guess the one big thing I took away from this holiday season was how nice it was not to have to worry about going to the office to check for end of year gifts, having to attend a basketball game, and always checking email to keep up with what is going on.  Those activities had always been apart of my holidays.  Not that they were bad ( I got to go to games at Villanova and at the Palestra) but it always broke up the time with family and friends.  It made it harder to do some of the things that we wanted to do as a family, becuase we always had to account for one or two work days.  I probably won't have the option of doing it again, but having been able to this year will have me thinking in the years to come how can I take the full week off and just enjoy it.  This will allow us to enjoy our family time, see good friends and truly enjoy the holidays!

In all the holidays were great.  I hope that you and your family had a wonderful holiday season, were able to celebrate the season of giving, and take a few mnutes to remember how it all began with a baby in a manager!

An Imperfect Insight: Patience

An Imperfect Insight: Patience: "I am sure that the first time I heard the phrase, 'patience is a virture' was from my mom. With all the things that go on in our lives..."

Patience

I am sure that the first time I heard the phrase, "patience is a virture" was from my mom.  With all the things that go on in our lives, I am sure I uttered the phrase "i can't wait for" many times.  I definately hear it from my kids often, especially at this time of year.  They can't wait for school to be out and they can't wait for Christmas.  I can't blame them, both things are worth getting excited about.  In addition to them verbalizing their thoughts, my daughter really enjoys counting down the day until the time arrives.  She has even taken it to the point of using post-in notes on the refridgerator and tear one down each day.  I love their passion, enthusiasm and the ability to get excited about upcoming events.

As hard as it is for them and as it was for me to wait patientially for a holiday, vacation, visit to see friends and family or just for the weekend to come, nothing has been harder than the wait on the job front.  Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed the quiet time to be around my family, but unless I win the lottery I know that this can't last.  This is not the time that many companies are hiring and so there are not many listings and not much activity.  Waiting and being patient is hard.  Fortunately, I have had some opportunities present themself, but even the waiting between an interview, email or phone call can be excruciating.  Did you say the right things, have the right experience, know the right people?  All this runs through your mind on a daily basis, especially knowing that at some point you will have to pay for insurance, make sure there is money for food, rent, and utilities. 

I know that that time of taking any job has not yet come, but I know it is out there somewhere in a month or two.  But i also know that it is important to have patience and make sure an opportunity is the right opportunity and be sure that we don't jump on something that causes more chaos in the family.  I know that the right job is out there that will be right for me and for the family.  So I will maintain my patience.

Until that time comes, I will be sure to enjoy every day, continue to work to find opportunities, network with friends and collegues, and celebrate the holidays.  Maybe the best way to display patience is to enjoy the moment, live in the moment and know that things will happen when they should.  I won't waste time worrying about what I can't control and know that it will all happen in due time.  There will be no post-it's on the refridgerator and no worrying about that future date and when will a company follow-up, there will only be working my plan and enjoying the time.  Have a wonderful holiday season and I wish you all the patience to enjoy the time!

An Imperfect Insight: Remember to take time for yourself

An Imperfect Insight: Remember to take time for yourself: "Over the last two days, I have been thinking this was a very enjoyable Thanksgiving holiday season and how nice it was to not have to worry ..."

Remember to take time for yourself

Over the last two days, I have been thinking this was a very enjoyable Thanksgiving holiday season and how nice it was to not have to worry about getting to a game, feeling need to check email or go into the office.  It was great to have four uninterrupted days with my family, including my in-laws and sister-in-law.  We did not have to travel and worry about driving on crowded roads, sleeping in foreign beds and packing.  I thought that it was just what I needed.  The only downside was not being able to spend time with my side of the family.

What I did not realize was that it was more than that.  I figured that out today.  Liz encouraged me to come to the gym with her and actually join.  She loves to work out and stays in great shape, me on the other hand never seems to have time for working out. So we decided that I would join and see how it all works out.

In the middle of a 45 minute cardio workout, I started trying to figure out when was the last time I had worked out at a gym.  I struggled to remember.  Then I went over to do some leg work and Liz suggested that we do squats.  That got me thinking about the year in college that I spent the whole fall working out preparing for basketball tryouts.  Before the season started, I was squatting up to 400 lbs at 10 reps as good as anyone on the team.  Today, I was lucky to do 100 lbs in three sets of 12.  I guess that show how long it truly had been.

On the ride home, I realized that all of this was about taking time for me.  Since graduation and especially since we had kids, I have not played in a golf or softball league, picked up a hobby, or really anything else that was just for me.  It has always been about work and my family and trying to find a way to balance it. 

In my professional life, I have never really taken time to mentally, emotionally, or even physically finish one job before moving to the next.  I started working at Hamilton in media relations before I graduated.  When I took the job at Binghamton, I basically finished my last day on Friday only to start work the following Monday and the transition to Towson was the same.  While working, I was rarely sick, hardly ever used my accumulated leave time, and usually found myself in the office during Christmas breaks (making sure those year-ends gifts got processed or at a game).  When not in the office, I was usually running the kids around or just zoning out in front of the TV while checking or clearing out email.

What I realized today was that this time off, which has included Thanksgiving and my workout today, has given me some time to do some things for me.  To not have any responsibilities outside of what is best for me and my family has been awesome.  I don't have hundreds of emails to write and respond to or an endless amount of meetings to attend.  I get to choose what I do each day, have lunch with my wife, pick up my kids from school and not have to worry about how are we going to get them from one activity to the next.  I can do some things to make me a better, healthier person.

I must admit that I have become addicted to the reality show "The Biggest Loser" and have discovered that each contestant eventually comes to the same realization - to really change their life, they have to do it for themself, not just to meet others expectations.  I used to think how can I do anything for me, that it was selfish when I had all these other things that took up my time where would I find a few hours to play golf, softball or just workout.  What I am realizing is that I need to do that to be a better person, father, spouse, and worker. 

I started playing cards at a local bar once or twice a week (this will be an entry of it's own).  There is no betting involved, I really don't know anyone, and it maybe takes three hours (if I am playing well).  What it does is give me an outlet, where I can relax, talk about nothing related to work or family and the people are nice and don't care how much money I make or where I live.  I guess I had not realized how beneficial that has been for me without taking anything away from my family.

What I once thought that I did not have any time for, I realized that is critical to make me a better person.  It has given me a different perspective on why we each must find this outlet or activity that is just for us.  We must find ways to take time for "me".  Hopefully, I can contiue my workouts (don't think my trainer, Liz, will let me stop) even after I find my next employeer.  I will enjoy this time between jobs and realize that I needed it for me and that will make me better.

Thanks for Balance

Given that it is the season for giving thanks I was planning on writting about all the things that I am thankful for, especially given my recent job loss.  I thought that would help keep me in the right perspective.  While reading my current book, Wooden on Leadership, Wooden quoted Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" - "If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two imposters the same." Though I had not heard that poem in years, it quickly came back to me and reminded me about the importance of balance. I thought this would be an appropriate topic for my Thanksgiving blog. Ok, it is a couple days early.

Now don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for friends, good health and especially my wonderful family. But one thing that has been a constant in my life has been balance, although my mom never thought I had any as she would always ask why I was the only one who always seemed to be on the floor or ground in whatever sport I played. 

This thanks is for life balance and it goes to my mom and dad.  Maybe it was a birth order thing, being a middle child, or maybe it was just that their strengths were different and I got a little of both. Dad was a standout athlete in three sports and played two in college, he is great with numbers, history and very handy.  I went to him for help with math, science and how to hit a ball to right field. Mom is always reading, loves to care for others, reflect and meditate.  She was the one that I went to for help with English, vocabulary, and understanding books.  They exposed us (my two sisters and I) to a wide variety of things, everything from sports to art, history to science.

My life has been pretty much defined by everything in moderation. Without really planning on it, I tried to be involved in as much as I could and being at a small school definately helped.  I played any sport I could, was in a multitude of clubs, and participated in the band, choir, and school play.  So much of my high school days were spent trying to balance everything.  This pattern continued in college and beyond.

When I took the job at Towson, we struggled to sell our house and I spent two plus years living apart from my family, returning home about every other weekend.  I spent long hours in the office, not really wanting to be at my apartment alone.  Somehow I lost that balance and have realized that was not good.  Work became a 24/7 part of my life.  Once the family moved down in August 2009, the balance started to come back and it made me a better person, employee, father, and husband.

I think I forgot how important that balance is and how that helps us be better at all the things we do.  I always wanted to do well at everything I participated in, but I also knew that not one of those things alone defined me.  I was defined by all of them as a whole.  Whenever I had success or struggle, I never had much time to enjoy the success or get down by the struggles as I had to move on to what was next.    This taught me moderation and the importance of balance, I realized that this would be the approach that worked for me.  (Although I think it hurts me in one of my outlets - Texas Hold'em Poker, but that is for another day.)

One of my mentors who I worked with at Binghamton and is now the Athletic Director at LeMoyne College, reinforced this I idea as it related to the long college basketball season.  He said that the season is too long and has too many games to get to high with the wins and to low with the losses.  You will drive yourself crazy if you do that, instead just enjoy the ride and then evaluate at the end.

The poem "If" is about all the things we go through in life and how they can impact us, great sentiments for young people.  Rudyard Kipling was a favorite of my mom, especially this poem.  It was one of a couple poems that she shared with me often as a kid and when I reread it this weekend it reinforced the importance of balance.  It reminded me that results, emotions and feelings are temporary and if we can learn to balance them, as Kipling says "Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a man my son!"

So during this week of giving thanks, I want to thank my mom and dad for giving me balance and for sharing so many wonderful things, including the works of Kipling.

Leadership Styles ...... Trying to find my style

As I have moved up the professional ladder, I have been witness to a number of different leadership styles, some have been very good (in my opinion) and others, not ones that I would model.  In that time, I have tried to develop my own leadership style.  As an athlete, I had my chances to be a leader serving as team captain and for many years I played catcher, a position that has to keep everyone in the play.  At college, I was a Resident Advisor as a senior and had to provide some leadership to the residents of Minor Dorm (although the inmates might have been running the asylum -at least on the second floor). 

Over the last three years, I have had the good fortune to work on those leadership skills while supervising thirteen professions with a wide array of experiece and skill.  I think that I was able to make some strides in developing a leadership philosphy.  Despite that growth, there is still a lot that I want to do to continue to develop that style, especially as I look toward my next position.

There are shelves and shelves of books on the philosophy of leadership and management and in reviewing them I have never really found that one the fits me, that fits the type of leader that I want to be.  That was until about two months ago....

The family was downtown at the Harbor and wandered into the bookstore.  As usual I found my way over to the self-help/business section looking again for something that would strike me.  I happened to see a few books by legendary basketball coach John Wooden.  Although I had heard so much about him, I really did not know much about him, so I flipped through some pages.  I must admit that I was skeptical, mostly because everyone now has a book, a system to "improve".  So I did not get the book that day.  Now that I have some time on my hands, I discovered that local library that my wife and kids go to regularly (a plug for taking advantage of the library!) and got John Wooden's book, Wooden on Leadership.

I am less than 50 pages into the book and I think that I have found that voice that I have been looking for.  So many people in athletics only talk about winning as the ultimate success, Vince Lombardi is quoted as having said, "winning isn't everything, it is the only thing."  One of Bill Parcell's many quotes was "there is winning and there is misery."  Don't get me wrong, I like to win as much as the next person, but I have also learned that winning is not necessarily the best measure of success.

Wooden's definition of succes is " Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in  knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable." (pg. 3)  When I read this there were so many things that went through my head.  I thought about fans, parents, media, bosses, and others who want to judge us; no where in that statement is there anything about what others think.  It is all about each of us determining if we have done everything we can and feel comfort in knowing that we had.

The other thought running through my mind was my current situation and the phrase "peace of mind."  While there are many emotions that I have gone through since Nov 5, after a day or two I have not really felt anger.  I have always felt that our team made great strides and we did everything we could to be the best we could and the best for the University.  For that I am proud, proud of my team and proud of our effort.  While others may have judged us not a success or not meeting expectations, Wooden reminds me that it is not about their satisfaction, but self-satisfaction that matters.  This is very powerful for everyone (athletes, employees, coaches, etc) to remember, each of us will be judged, but as we move forward only we can judge if we "made the effort to become the best of which you are capable."  It will help me not only evaluate if I have been successful, but also an important thing for me to remember as I work to lead others and help them attain success.  Something that all of us should remember.

I am excited to read the rest of the book and learn more about Wooden's "Pyramid of Success" that were his guiding principles. His ideas all go back to a leader being a teacher and helping others achieve. A good example to follow.

This post has gone on longer that I thought, but please spend a few more minutes reading the below.

SUCCESS

by John Wooden

Success in coaching or playing should not be based on the number of games won or lost, but rather on the basis of what each individual did in comparison with others when taking into consideration individual ablities, the facilities with which you had to work, the caliber of your opponents, the site of the contests, etc.

True succes comes only to an individual by self-satisfaction in knowing that you gave everything to become the very best tha you are capable of.  As George Moriarty once said, "Giving all, it seems to me, is not so far from victory." Therefore, in the final analysis, only the individual himself can correctly determine his success. You may be able to fool others, but you can never fool yourself.

It is impossible to obtain perfection, but that should be the goal.  Less than 100% of your effort toward obtaining your objective is not success, regardless of how many games you won or lost.

Others may have far more ability than you have, they may be larger, faster, quicker, able to jump better, etc, but no one should be your superior in team spirit, loyalty, enthusiasm, cooperation, determination, industriousness, fight and character.  Acquire and keep these traits and success should follow.

Wooden on Leadership, John Wooden and Steve Jamison, copywrite 2005. McGraw-Hill

Time to start a new chapter....

Well, Nov 5, 2010 will either be a day that haunts me or the best day ever.  I had three very interesting years in my job and then three months wondering what would come next, before learning my fate that day.  Let me first step back a little.

After ten successful years at Binghamton University, I had the opportunity to lead the athletics external team at Towson University.  In that time we made some progress, despite some struggles.  Personally, I commuted for two years waiting for our house in NY to sell.  Finally in Aug 2009 with the house sold, my family moved to Sparks, MD.  Ten months later, my boss resigned and life became a little unsettled.  We moved forward through the summer preparing for another year.

Finally in September, a new boss was announced and started in late October.  The on Nov 5th I was told that the new boss was restructuring and that there was no position for me.  Closing my Towson University chapter.

Since a great deal of my life has centered around sports, it reminded me of being at bat in the bottom of the last inning with runner on and two strikes, looking for a fastball and getting a curve.  When those unexpected things happen there are many ways you can go.  Despite bitter disappointment, I always tried to learn something from the experience.  Even if that something was no more than, " you know what, he got the better of me and it just wasn't meant to be."

So as I try to write the next chapter of my book, I have actually been very at ease with what has happened.  Despite a big curveball, I have learned that I have a lot of friends at the University and in the Athletics industry that are supportive and willing to help.  I also understand that with the holidays, I will have some time to unwind, destress, and enjoy the time with my family.  For as long as I can remember, holiday's always seemed to be cut short to be at some game or some meeting.  Not this year.  There will be plenty of time to enjoy family, friends and the spirit of the season.

During this time off, I plan to work hard to start my next chapter, spend time with my family and do some writing that will hopefully continue through my next at bat when hopefully I can find a way to beat the pitcher and hit his curveball.